ramblin' man

i don't know how to function anymore. i don't care about anything at all really, i'm at the point where i feel like i'm just going along with everything just because i don't feel like arguing. that is no way to live life in my opinion, but seeing as i'm not up to arguing with myself about it, i let myself get away with it. that sentence had no structure to it at all. one day i'll wake up and snap myself out of it, but for now i don't exactly mind the mindlessness of it.

i'm pretty sure i love how no one reads this anymore, i guess that is what i was trying to accomplish before? i dunno. none of this post made much sense at all. i miss the summer a great deal, which is funny because i hate summer. this summer was amazing and i wish my life would be a rerun of it, but that isn't possible so i'm trying to make do. i hurt a lot of people in the process of fixing myself, i don't know how to apologize or make up for it, so in my current state i'm not doing much but i want to.

i like having my job back as well, it's very convenient. i don't have to be there a lot, and i get money for hanging out in the diner, which is something i probably would've done anyway.

this whole relationship thing isn't really my forte. he's nice, yes. i like him, yes. however, part of me knows that i don't like him as much as i should, that i should be devoted or something like angela, but then i realize that i'm not the same person as she is. my personality does not allow me to get too attached to people, because no one is guaranteed to stick around. i think it will be the day when i stop fucking things up for myself. i like what i have now, and as a realist i know it won't last forever, that we're too different and have different ideas of how our lives will be, but for now i'm enjoying my life and just letting things happen without over thinking things. most people will condemn me for this mindset, but does it really matter?